Last night I had a dream. In it, my husband informed me that he was taking his things and moving out. I understood it meant he was leaving me and divorcing me. In the dream I cried and begged him to stay. I begged him to go to counseling with me. I told him I would do anything to make him stay. That I would change in whatever way I had to to please him. I woke myself up crying. The dream was so real and so vivid. I was very disturbed this morning when I awakened. I told my husband about the dream. I wanted and expected him to gather me into his arms and tell me that he would never do that and it was just a dream. He did nothing. I had tears in my eyes. The dream still felt real to me. I don't remember what I said, but it was something along the lines of "Would you do that?" and he squeezed my big toe and said, "I'm not leaving you." with a chuckle. Kind of blew it off. (He deflects serious situations with humor a lot.) I was really upset. I got out of bed and hugged and kissed him and told him I loved him. Then I went about my morning duties of getting ready for work. While we were in our 45 minute commute, I told him that when I told him about the dream, I had needed him to gather me into his arms and tell me that he would never leave me. He didn't get it. I let it go.
Hours later, I still feel disturbed by this dream. I was pondering it, and it occurred to me that perhaps God was trying to teach me a lesson. I know there are things I need to change. There is a lot of baggage from the past that I harbor bitterness and anger over. My husband is a changed man! I need to embrace that with passion and not let go!!! I need to work on myself. I am not nearly the helpmeet I want to be. I will be praying, meditating, and working toward this. I will be dusting off my copy of Created to Be His Help Meet to study it again. This book sends me to the Word more than anything I've ever read! It's been a few years, and I was at a very different place back then. I know there is a lot of new material I can glean from it now, that I couldn't begin to grasp at that time.
But there is a deeper lesson. I still feel disturbed about this dream. Part of me wants to go to Wayne (again) and make my needs known. I need to be reassured. I believe God spoke to me when I was having these thoughts. I should not be looking to any human being to have my emotional needs met. No man, no matter how wonderful he may be, can do that. God is my provider. Period. He is Who I am supposed to look for fulfillment of my heart's every longing. I was working on my lesson plans for next week. Our Bible lessons for next week are centered around this verse: "Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, He it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee." ~Deuteronomy 31:6 That sealed it! I KNEW He was speaking to me.
8 comments:
This post was so touching! I can so relate to this!
The enemy can torment us in our dreams, but God can turn it around and make it a blessing.
Like you. there is much in the past that would haunt me and the enemy wants to keep bringing it up. But as you said, there have been changes. I am no longer married to the person who caused me so much grief because of sin. I have a new husband! God made him a new creation. Thank God!
Like you, I too have much room for growth and I am working on it.
My husband and I are both in our senior years. He just recently began having problems with his memory. At one point he did not even recognize me. I cannot begin to relate how that affected me. I was overwhelmed! I felt I could not cope!
I ran to the One who has been my help since I was saved about 35 years ago. I began to see my self in a whole new light. I now more than ever desire to be the wife that my dear husband needs. I did not want to give up my job but I knew I now had no choice. He needed me more than ever. When I committed it to God, then I had the peace and strength I needed. It has been one day at a time. We are closer than we have ever been. Truly God does take what would seem to be a curse and make it a blessing.
I too have become upset with my husband because at times I felt he was failing to meet my needs and did not respond as caring as I felt he should. But many years ago, I found that I could take those needs to God and what was lacking on my husbands part was met by God. God desires to be our all in all. No one man could ever meet all of our needs. When ever there was a situation that I could not work out with my husband, instead of moping and pouting, I learned (the hard way) to just commit it to God. I have been amazed how He worked it out.
Be encouraged. God has only the best for those who put their trust in him. Your post was very encouraging to me and I appreciate it.
P.S. So sorry about your beautiful chickens getting killed.
By the way, my husband is doing much better. I have him on natural supplements and sending up much prayer. God is so good!!!
alwaysmom,
Thank you so much for sharing your testimony. It's always encouraging to hear from others who are with us on the Journey.
I'd love to see your blog, but when I click on your name, it just takes me to a profile, and not a blog.
~Michelle
This is not a blog address, but an email address used for blog comments.
Maybe a blog in the future, but as for now my days are too full for that.
*sigh* Okay. I love reading posts from likeminded folks. I guess I will be contented with our occasional exchanges here. :-) Thanks for letting me know.
Hi, Michelle. I'm new reading here and just read your most recent post. I'm not one to comment all over the place, but as I your post, something popped into my head- something Beth Moore said in a recent Bible study I participated in at our church on the book of Esther.
She said that God will give us the strength we need to handle difficult situations, but that doesn't count imaginary situations or fear that we create in our minds.
That sounds harsh and I hope I can explain myself. You certainly did not create your feelings- they are real. But they stem from a dream, not from reality. So often we give in to fears that aren't warranted. I know I do. What are the chances there will be a natural disaster and I will have to evacuate my three small children on our two kayaks in a flood? These are the fears that can consume me if I let them.
Satan knows what we fear and he does his best to keep that fear going. Do you know what the most frequent instruction in the Bible is? It's "Do not be afraid/do not fear." Satan knows God wishes us not to fear and Satan is all over that. It sounds like you know that verse well.
Beth talked more about fear in the study and you can read more about what she said/how it has impacted me here: thyhandhathprovided.blogspot.com/2009/10/fear.html
I pray that all this is coming across in a loving and caring way. That is how I intend it. I feel your fear and distraction from this dream loud and clear and hope you can see it for what it is and kick it's butt to the curb:-).
Michelle,
Hope all is well with you. It has been so long since your last post.
I am thinking of you and trusting all is well.
Oh, Wonderful Ladies! I just this moment found your comments!!! I wish I knew how to make my blog notify me when someone leaves a comment. *sigh* The only way I find out is if I go back through all my posts and look at each one for comments.
ThyHand, Your comments were taken appropriately. (I think. :-) ) I am on my way out the door right now, but I will do my best to read your post that you linked to on tomorrow. I am an avid reader of your blog. In fact, I have so many blogs that I love to read, that I was neglecting my own. :-) I had a posting frenzy yesterday, trying to catch up. There are still a few more things I want to blog about, but it's been tough catching up.
AlwaysMom,
You're so sweet! Yes, I am okay. Things have been very busy. I don't have internet access at home, and to top all that, we had almost a whole week off immediately following Christmas break. (I teach) So... things are just now getting into the swing of things after the holidays.
ThyHand,
I remember reading your post about fear and the Esther study. I reread it all the way through again. It's a very interesting take that God gives us the strength to handle whatever situations we encounter, but only the real ones. *smile* Off the cuff, I would be inclined to think, "Duh! Why would God deal with imaginary things!" But that's exactly what we expect sometimes, isn't it? Thank you for sharing and re-sharing your experience with this. I definitely did not get that insight the first time I read your post.
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